Of the Thirty-Six Stratagems, fleeing is best (三十六計，走為上計)…old Chinese saying. More of the other 35 available on wiki
Self-defence is not like combat sport, you cannot choose your opponent, the number of opponents, the environment, type of clothing / shoes you wear nor the timing of it. You do not have a training camp to prepare yourself for a specific opponent. You do not even have time to warm up or get ready mentally. The instigator usually make those choices for you and you have to be able to turn it on instantly.
Threats are not always against you, sometimes they can be against someone else. How often have you heard about someone being beaten up when others just stand and watch? or other crimes happening while everyone just watch or turn away. Are you one of those that can sleep well when you did nothing? Walking away may protect you physically but there is a psychological price to paid.
If you respond with force whenever there is any sign of trouble, you become predictable. Furthermore, there are times when violence is just not the right solution nor worth the risk. If you accidentally kill/cause permanent damage to someone, you won’t feel good. If you respond with force only because you know you have the advantage and can win, then you are walking the fine line of being a bully.
If you think you are always going to simply walk away, think again, there are times when turning away is not an option:
- Involve another person that needs your protection (e.g. your child or love one)
- In constricted place where there is only one exit
- When the aggressor(s) already grabbed part of you (e.g. arm, hair, etc)
- When the aggressor(s) looks like they are taller, stronger and faster than you or you may have some contraints that affects your mobility (including injuries)
- In a secluded setting where the aggressor have the upper hand and all the time
- When they know where you live, work and hangout.
During my early years of doing martial art, not having a clear guideline on when to use what you have learnt makes the whole decision process stressful. Over the years, the following are a few of my simple rules:
- Is it worth it? – whatever the decision is, there is a cost/risk to it. It can range from legal consequences (because of your use of excessive force) to getting badly injured or even death. Only you can be the judge of what is “worth it”.
- Can you deplete the aggressor’s resources while boosting up yours? – getting more people involved help shore up your resources. Calling the police (or other authority like teacher) help deplete the aggressor’s time resource. Calling for help is an art and you have to understand the crowd paralysis syndrom. Give specific instructions like “You in the grey suit call the police”. Warn the aggressor of the consequence “Police are coming, go away while you still can”. Remember, do not dive into something that you have no chance of succeeding (like you do not know how to swim but dive into the lake to save someone else. An additional person drowning is just double the trouble).
- Remind the aggressor of the “cost of doing business” with you. A lot of times, people show aggression because they think they can get away with it for free. Find a way to cause them to reset their mindset.
- Prepare yourself physically and mentally so that you know you have the ability to defend yourself and that the ultimate decision is yours.
Some related articles
Exercise
To make “running away” a viable option, you have to be prepared. Exactly what type of preparations should you do?